Have you heard this voice? This voice of almost and never good enough. This voice that demands and harbors just outside the ears of your heart. This voice that constantly reminds you that you have darkness, and sarcastically begs you to create light.
It's a cruel and rough voice, and while it has no pleasantries to be named, it's the voice we so often hear louder than any of the others. It's the voice of condemnation.
Write better, work harder, worship purer it says. Commit to that group you really never wanted to associate with anyways. You know that if you don't, you're a failure and worthless. Raise your hands higher, sing to this God you're not sure of it says.
This is the voice of fake testing that says to do something seemingly attractive, but only to steer you to an end of blame and worthlessness. Try to lift that weight as the ideal man could, but only to embarrass yourself and hide in your shame.
This voice is not God.
It is true that you have sin within you. You have a flesh that constantly strives to kill you, and will fight in every way it knows how in order to stay alive. All have fallen short of what our King created and what He deserves. There is none righteous, not apart from him.
It is true that you will fail and fall, and fall into those moments of your own strength.
But here is The Truth. Jesus Christ.
If you didn't know, let me clarify to you (as best I can) the wonder of His heart.
He is the scarred hand that picks you up after you've fallen. He does not yank, nor let go, nor fall with you.
He is the softest voice telling you all the words you wish He'd say- "I love you, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you."
He is the One who loves you and likes you too. He enjoys being with you, to simply dwell in the color of your eyes and the warmth of your breath. He's excited to seek you, and excited to find you.
He is the Light in the darkness. He is the One who became sin for us so that we might be blameless. He is the candle in the lantern, bringing warmth and light to the farthest reaches of your soul.
We are the uncreated light, that we do not manufacture our own humanistic form of false hope. We can't, and that is because we were never designed to, but we step into His light, and He shines on us. He removes the darkness. He removes the shame. He removes the voice.
My dear friends, do not give up hope and love, nor faith or peace, but give up the estranged and disarrayed idea that you can do it alone. Healing is found in holiness and community, and nowhere else. Surrender is the gateway to these things, and it does not come by you find Him or measuring up to Him, but by Him finding you. He is not far from anyone.